Item Number One Crossdressing
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: Yukimura gets out of the hospital, and brings with him a list. This is bad for Sanada, who hates pantyhose.


A/N: This is crazy. I had much fun with it though. It was originally supposed to be Niou and Yagyuu, but I thought they would enjoy themselves too much so I decided to torture poor Sanada.

Ah, and it contains a line as suggested by my sister "No one could resist the face of Seiichi". (Yes, you're getting worried, I can tell...)

****

Item Number One: Crossdressing

The RikkaDai tennis team was overjoyed when Yukimura got out of the hospital. Sanada was especially relieved, though he did not dare to show it. His elation wore off somewhat when Yukimura invited him over one evening, however.

He was not displeased to be invited over, in fact, going to Yukimura's made him feel a bit tingly inside (of course, that could have been gas, right?) -- that wasn't the problem. The problem was the list that Yukimura presented to him when they went upstairs to Yukimura's room.

"Genichiro...this is a list I wrote while I was in the hospital," Yukimura said, in that gentle, kind, soothing, beautiful -- ahem, voice of his. "It's a list of things I decided that I wanted to do when I got out."

Sanada could hardly look away from Yukimura's beautiful eyes to actually look at what was written on the paper. "Oh?"

"Yes. I was scared, for a while...so scared that I would never get to do anything with my life. I don't want to be that scared ever again. I want to make sure that I've done many different things..."

"Of course." On the outside, Sanada retained his usual air of "Don't come near me because I'm scary" but on the inside, he was doing backflips...or maybe some form of ballet. Seii--er, Yukimura was confiding in him!

"I don't want to do these things alone, either," Yukimura said. He took the list back. He was biting his lower lip, and it was oh-so-gorgeous, and appealing, and -- and Sanada never wanted Yukimura to be alone ever again. He wanted to sing out that he would always be by Yukimura's side...but he had never been a particularly good singer. He settled for nodding instead.

"So, do you think you can help me?"

"I'll do my best," Sanada replied.

Yukimura's smile nearly blinded him with its intensity. Sanada could hear happy music playing in his head.

"Well, the first thing on the list is crossdressing."

The happy music stopped. He distinctly heard the Twilight Zone theme.

"What?"

Someone had kidnapped Yukimura and replaced him with an alien. That must be it. Did he just say...crossdressing?

"The first thing is crossdressing. I...I always wanted to try it."

Sanada heard a strange gurgling sound, and realized that he was the one making it. Yukimura...in drag? It was so wrong, and yet...oh crap, he could feel a nose bleed coming on!

"I know it's a little strange, but...I'm curious. And like I said, I don't want to do these things alone..."

"I don't mind," Sanada said.

"You don't?"

"Of course not. I don't care what your preferences are." Which really meant that Yukimura would look really, really hot in a cocktail dress.

"Well, actually, what I meant was that I want you to try it with me."

Sanada fainted.

-----

When Sanada opened his eyes, he saw the face of an angel. Except there were distinctive devil horns on the angel's forehead.

"Are you all right?" Yukimura asked.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry to have shocked you so. I just...I wanted to try some new things."

Sanada was not going to be forced into woman-wear! He would not wear makeup! He would not do anything that was not one hundred percent certifiably manly! Especially if it involved pantyhose!

"I'd rather not...do that," Sanada said.

Yukimura bit his lower lip. "If you really don't want to, then I am not going to force you."

Sanada resisted that look for all of two seconds. "I'll do it," he said, for no one could resist the Face of Seiichi! Not even the ultra-manly Sanada Genichiro.

"Really?"

"Let's just get on with it."

Yukimura beamed. Sanada's heart beat to the tune the dance of the sugar plum fairy.

-----

"Are you sure about this?" Sanada asked, as he eyed the pile of things before him.

"Yes."

"What will your parents think?" More importantly, would they tell Sanada's parents? He didn't want his mother and father to get the wrong idea about him. It was going to be bad enough when they found out that Yukimura was the center of his universe...if they ever found out that he'd even gone near pantyhose, all hell would break loose.

"My parents won't be home tonight."

Ah, well that was all right. Just Sanada and Yukimura...alone...in Yukimura's house...Actually, that was better than all right. It was...excellent.

"Hn," he said.

"I talked to my cousin about this," Yukimura said, rummaging through the pile of girly things. "She told me what she always does when she wants to feel...pretty."

Inside, Sanada shuddered. Outwardly, he maintained his macho exterior. He wanted to savor his manliness for as long as possible.

"Did she ask why you wanted to know?" Sanada was suddenly worried that somewhere out there, someone that he didn't even know was laughing at the thought of him in a pink sundress with flowers in his hair.

Yukimura laughed, softly. "She didn't need to ask. I think she was expecting it, since I'm so feminine already."

Sanada felt theoretical drool gathering on his lower lip. Yukimura saying the word feminine...

...

What the hell? Sanada made a vow never to eat left over take-out for breakfast again, not even if he _was_ all alone in the house and no one was there to make something more traditional for him. It apparently did weird things to his brain.

"First, we have to take a bath, and shave our legs."

Sanada felt faint once more, but this time, he held onto consciousness. Shave his _legs_? Remove all his precious man-hair? NO!

"You can take your bath first," Yukimura said. He filled up the bathtub, and dumped some pink liquid into it. Bubbles began to form.

"..." he said.

Yukimura smiled. "Bubble bath." He left Sanada behind, to bathe in the pink liquid. Sanada could see no way around it since he'd already agreed to this, so he stepped into it. He had to hold his breath to try and convince his nose that no, he was not about to step into a girly-bath. It was a regular man-bath, damn it!

-----

Half an hour later, Yukimura and Sanada were clean, and their legs and armpits were devoid of hair. (Yukimura mentioned the armpit thing only after Sanada had become thoroughly depressed at the loss of his leg hair.)

Yukimura applied makeup to Sanada's face with expertise that was, quite frankly, disturbing.

"Have you ever done this before?" Sanada asked, suspiciously.

"My cousin showed me."

Sanada was beginning to hate this cousin of Yukimura's with a fiery passion.

"All right, you're ready," Yukimura announced, after applying lipstick to Sanada's lips. "Now go put on your dress."

This was the part that frightened Sanada the most. Yukimura dumped something red into his arms.

"This should be the right size for you. The girl at the store was very helpful."

"Girl at the store?" Sanada felt himself developing a twitch. Just how many people knew about this?

"Well, I had to ask someone how to find my dress size, and yours too. She seemed very enthusiastic."

Well, of course she would have been enthusiastic; a boy as pretty as Yukimura asking for help to buy a dress...wasn't that every girl's fantasy?

"Oh, and I left some shoes for you under the bed!" Yukimura called as Sanada went into the room to change.

...shoes?

Sanada reached under the bed, and pulled out shoes that were the same color as his dress. Shoes with...little pointy heels.

Oh, horror.

----

Sanada came out of the room decked out in a red evening dress, with red pumps, and a prettily made-up face. There was no way to hide the glare on his face, however; and the fact that he was still wearing his baseball cap took away from the overall effect.

Yukimura emerged from the bathroom wearing a blue evening gown of almost the same style, with shoes that looked even more painful than Sanada's. He hardly needed any makeup, and his hair was...ringlets...and ooo he was wearing a sparkly necklace, and...

The thoeretical drool was almost becoming real drool.

Yukimura reached out a pretty hand and snatched the hat from Sanada's head.

"You can't wear this. It doesn't match," he said. "I'll have to do your hair, now."

"My hair?"

"Mm hm."

Sanada swore that Yukimura looked distinctly evil as he came forward, hairbrush in hand.

NOOOOO! screamed inner Sanada.

----

A little while later, Sanada's hair was styled, and he stood with his arms across his chest (which was currently padded, for extra-female effect), feeling miserable.

"You look very nice," Yukimura said.

__

Not half as good as you, baby! "Hn," said Sanada. "I'm going to change back now."

"Oh..." Yukimura looked somewhat disappointed.

"...oh?"

"Well, we haven't gone out yet."

"...out?"

"I was hoping that we could go out for a while," Yukimura said. "That's the point of getting dressed up, isn't it?"

Sanada felt the need to collapse to his knees and cry like a little baby. He was prevented from doing so by the fact that his dress wouldn't allow him to bed that way.

----

Yukimura appeared to be in his element. They were taking a stroll down to the coffee shop, where they would enjoy ONE cup of coffee, and then get the hell away from there, as far as Sanada was concerned. He was painfully aware that he made a ridiculous woman, and people were staring at him.

"Aren't you enjoying yourself at least a little, Gen-chan?"

Well, actually, when he thought about it, he was enjoying himself just a little. It was almost worth all the trouble just to see Yukimura dressed like that...

...Gen-chan? Eeek.

Sanada did not enjoy his cup of coffee, for it tasted of lipstick. Then again, who gave a crap about what the coffee tasted like, when Yukimura was sitting across from him, sipping on something and looking for all the world like a beautiful, beautiful...something. Oh, glory.

Still, Sanada would be very happy when they were both back to their old selves. Yukimura made a pretty woman, but he was, in fact, a man -- something that Sanada had just come to terms with recently. Sure, the guy he fantasized about was just that -- a guy -- but so what? Grr.

"Let's go home," Yukimura said, suddenly. "I think I've kept you out like this long enough."

Sanada stifled a sigh of relief, and he and Yukimura began to walk back. Along the way, they were stopped by a couple of teenaged boys with stupid grins on their faces.

Oh, no.

"Hey, girls," said one of them. He was wearing a baseball cap, and Sanada felt a certain sense of nostalgia (along with his urge to run away screaming).

"Hello," Yukimura said politely.

"You're very pretty," said baseball cap guy, and then he proceeded to invade Yukimura's personal space. "Do you want to go somewhere? My friend can look after your friend."

The second guy, who looked...well, like a big doofus, waved at Sanada.

Sanada nearly wet his pants.

"I don't think so," Yukimura said, still trying to be polite.

"Come on, baby..."

"Don't call hi -- her that," Sanada growled. His need to kill was rising. He hardly cared that his fake woman-voice sounded demented.

"Whoa, jealous or what? Are you two chicks...oh, that's even more fun!" the jerk said gleefully. "We're in luck!"

The doofus laughed stupidly. Baseball cap put his hand on Yukimura's shoulder.

Sanada delivered him a swift kick to the groin.

"Believe me, I know how much that hurts," he said. Then he took Yukimura's hand (oh YES, he finally had an excuse!) and led him away.

----

"Thank you," Yukimura said when they got back to his house. "I appreciate what you did back there."

"He touched you," Sanada said. It was all the explanation necessary. NOBODY touched Yukimura_. He _wasn't even allowed to touch Yukimura.

"Are you jealous?"

Of course he was jealous! He was so jealous he wanted to spit blood, or acid, or something! "Hn," was the answer that he verbalized.

"Ah, the second thing on my list..." Yukimura appeared to be blushing faintly, or maybe that was just his makeup...no, he was blushing. "...is to tell you that..."

Sanada's heart stopped beating. He had to pound it a few times to get it going again.

"Tell me what?" he asked, calmly.

"That you mean a lot to me. That I'm grateful that you're always there with me. I know you probably don't feel the same way, but..."

Sanada wanted to proclaim his undying love for Yukimura right then and there, and run away with him and get married and have beautiful children -- oh wait, that wasn't possible, but he had to do _something_...

"Hn," he said, then he leaned down and kissed his beloved Seiichi. Their first kiss was not as he had imagined, considering both of them were decked out like desperate single females, but...oh well. It was still special anyway.

Seiichi looked so happy when they broke apart that Sanada's heart nearly melted. He knew he had chosen the right course of action. He moved in to kiss Seiichi again.

"Wait!"

"What?" Had Seiichi changed his mind already?

"Let me take my shoes off first. They're killing me."

Sanada would have laughed, except that he didn't know how to laugh. Instead, he said, "Hn," and took off his own shoes.

They fell asleep in each other's arms that night. Sanada couldn't remember ever being happier in his life! Except for that time when he was really little and his mother had allowed him to have a pet newt.

----

Sanada heard the doorbell ringing, and went to answer it, feeling even more grumpy than usual. Who dared to disturb him while he was sleeping beside his beloved Seiichi? He threw the door open, and glared at the one who had dared to interrupt his sleep.

Yanagi was on the other side of that door, along with the rest of the Rikkai regulars. They were all staring at him with varying expressions on their faces; Yanagi looked slightly surprised. Niou looked distinctly amused. Marui was rather pink, since his gum was all over his face. Jackal appeared somewhat shocked. Kirihara's expresion couldn't seem to make up its mind what exactly it wanted to be. Yagyuu...well, he looked like Yagyuu.

Only then did Sanada realize that he was not at his own home; no, he was at Seiichi's...and he had forgotten to wash the makeup off of his face the previous night. It was probably faded...mostly...

"Sanada is wearing a _dress_!" Kirihara shrieked. It appeared as though he couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry.

...or the makeup might have even been gone completely, but he was still, unfortunately, wearing the dress.

Sanada tried very hard to come up with some form of explanation, but failed miserably. He settled for glaring at them with a distinctly manly and angry glare, before slamming the door in their faces.

"Well, I guess they weren't finished," came a voice that was clearly Niou's.

"I heard that!" Sanada growled.

Crazy laughter was heard from outside.

"Who's at the door, Genichiro?" Yukimura asked, coming down the stairs.

"Nobody," Sanada said, darkly.

"Are you still wearing that?"

"..." Sanada wanted to hate Yukimura for this entire experience, but he just couldn't. Yukimura was far too pretty in that bathrobe for him to remain angry. Too bad he hadn't thought of putting on a bathrobe himself. He might have been saved some trouble...or not. His teammates had such blasted dirty minds.

"Thank you for last night," Seiichi said, with That Smile. "This morning, I wanted to try some of the other things on my list."

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Please?" Yukimura's eyes got very, very big.

"...it depends on what they are." Damn it! They had only been a couple for a few hours and he was already whipped.

"Thank you, Genichiro."

...oh well. Anything would be worth it for that smile. Even Niou peeping at them through the window.

...what?

"NIOU!"

--fin--


End file.
